The biggest of the four yelled at me...

"GIVE US YOUR WALLET, YOUR BIKE AND YOUR HELMET!!" he said.

"Are you fucking joking? Think about what you're doing, boys." Chris warned.

At 2.20am Chris was homebound from the Black Friday Rat Ride on Mouat and Brigalow, streets when the fun really started...

Chris was attacked by 4 cowardly lametards for his shiny black helm, his phone and my awsome chopper, Zed's Dead. In the end they got the chopper, but Chris fought back to retain his health, phone and helmet. They did manage to smash him very hard over the head a couple of times with a purpose built steel bar, cracked some ribs, and made off in their white Ford Laser with yellow and black NSW rego plates... we think they live somewhere around Lyham or O'Conner and we are following up some leads...

Who does shit like that???
Above: Chris's now-not-so-shiny helmet and the weapon he managed to take from the lametards.

The serious assault has been reported to the Police in great detail and they will be pursuing the matter further.

So, if you see the crappy car or Zed's Dead, please let us know, as we will also be pursuing the matter.
Zed... our agents are searching... :(
But as Johnny Payphone says: "Kill them with kindness". That's the only way.

Johnny Payphone possibly to visit Oz Rats & Corinbank

This just in from Chicago Rat Patrol:::
[Johnny]
Nic and all,

Great as always to hear from you. Your chapter seems to be exploding with activity and fun. This is rare, usually things fizzle out within the first year.

[Limp]
Some Rats are putting on an arts n' music festival for a couple of thousand peeps in Feb 2008. We think it's gonna be a cracker! Hopefully a bit Burning Manish. Mebbe you could ping some of your pics of interesting shit from BM (if u hav)?

[Johnny]
I could select a few things but you could browse a site like Flickr for hours and see all kinds of stuff. What are you thinking of? Bikes, musical installations, art, activities, dangerous contraptions to build? I leave in 20 days to go set up the city again. I'll be in the desert for 2 months.

[Limp]
Anyhows, we are smashing out our last critical Government grant application (which we all fucking LOATHE) just now, and had this magnificant idea: if things go well, we'd been keen to budget for your steamboat/plane/hyperdrive tickets, in order to secure a "performance" by way of... well... whatever, really... bike building workshop for da kiddies? Read some shit to the crowd on main stage? Something Rat Patrol? Wear a funny hat? Offer kisses? Interactive art exhibition (someone running drum making/playing workshops wants to rat-up a Bike Percussion Garden)? Play a set in between bands on the main stage? Get naked for da ladyeeez... I could go on, but thankfully time doesn't permit...

Of course, it would regretably mean you'd have to actually be somewhere at that time, but you would probably also need to come out a month or three beforehand for "aclimatisation" reasons, "orientation" purposes and because it'll be nice and warm here, with lots of nice people everywhere sucking clear air into there lungs and drinking cold proper-strength beers.

[Johnny]
Some ideas that come to mind:

-a talk on the cycle of bikes in the developing and first world. How to ship bikes and other used goods to needy recipients. How to found your own developing world charity.

-bike chopping boot camp, covering all the basic lessons of bike constructions. Think: Learning how to build pieces of a puzzle that could come together in infinite ways.

-all the fun games and sports we play in the states on bikes (local laws permitting)

-we could build a series of bikes to make a "ride": bumper bikes, racing chariots, spinbike battles, etc etc

I hope we can work something out.

-Johnny

'caa 'nay do it capt'n!

>>> This, from Chris:
It all actually started at work the next day when my eye became more and more irritated. Once home, I was ordered to the hospital, and once I waited my three hours I was led into the back rooms where upon examination, the nice nurse lady spied what turned out to be a chunk of metal jammed into my cornea. This didn't seem quite fair as whilst grinding, I WAS WEARING GOGGLES THE WHOLE TIME! So, who knows how that happened. Anyway, the nice nurse lady said that it had been in at least overnight as she observed some rust around it, and proceeded to have to pick it off my eyeball with a pin.You know that feeling of something being tugged from skin? Yeah, try seeing it at the same time. Anyway, it'll be my third trip back to the hospital tonight, there was more rust apparent on my second trip, and you can never be too cautious as I plan on using my sight to navigate my almost complete PowerTrike around the mean streets of town with the rest of the Rat Patrol.

So, for now, safe and happy travels all.
Steely-gazed Chris

>>> This from Limp:
I too, got no less than THREE hot, sharp bits of steel embedded in my eyes during the construction of Mitzie... each time at Emergency, they shook their collective pasty-white faces and lectured me about the virtues of wearing eye protection. At least I didn't work in a hospital.

So, what's the moral of the story here??

1.) Always wear goggles that are properly tightened so bits-o-shit don't get stuck in your eyes, innit.
2.) If you want to continue using the eye DON'T FUCK AROUND, go straight to Emergency!!!!! Stay there until they fix your eye.
3.) Don't work in a hospital.

Build Days at the Rat's Nest

There's been a flurry of activity since the moving of the PROz sheltered workshop to Bloody Mary and Dr Splat's Rat's Nest

This pic is of Nancy Porker contemplating design options of his new long-rider, and is courtesy of rat-in-waiting Ben.

Projects on the go by heaps of new rats-in-waiting include: 14yo Orion's Spin cycle; Chris's SIIK low-rider trike; Jez n Kiko's whatever; Ben's something or other; Steve's freaky creation; Jimi's chopper; and lord knows what else. FUK! That's a lot of action. Post pics up people!

Nancy Porker

A sideways bike and a scary mo'!!

Interesting idea... turning to the right doesn't look too practical!
He even has his own website